How are things with your self-esteem? Do you value, love and appreciate yourself? Hanba finds self-esteem a difficult topic to talk about, partially because there are several definitions to it. Furthermore, it is somewhat of a taboo; “only losers talk about self-esteem!” I don’t want to be labeled a looser so I let everyone know I have an excellent self-esteem throughout my life. No need to discuss it!
While some people may indeed have excellent, static self-esteem that does not change over time, for the most of us, self-esteem is more or less a fluctuating concept. It changes with all the changes in life. To an athlete, for example, a knee injury may cause great damage to self- esteem, if he is no longer able to perform as usual. Self-esteem is a freshware. It doesn’t help if you have once had it but now lost it.
Life presents situations to us, some of which we perceive as positive, others negative. Some of them will test our self-esteem. Depending on the strength of the self-esteem, however, the situations can feel difficult or easier to cope with.
Recently, hanba has come across a method that can help anybody struggling with their relationship to themselves: start writing an “I am good-book”. – Now, before you turn away and tell hanba to cut the crap, just please listen to the end of this story.
Surely, there are no Six Simple Steps to Success, and the rhetorics of many self-help techniques, including this one, can undoubtedly be described as cheesy. Nevertheless, this method is very simple, and does not require much effort. So why not try it out before you pass judgement:
Keep a small notepad next to your bed. Each night, before you go to bed, write at least three good things about yourself. For instance: was creative today. Was friendly to a stranger. Was brave.
At first, this may be difficult and may feel like you are lying. It does not, however, take long to get a hang of the method. It also does not take long to get to see the results.
It is adviseable not to write things like, ‘today I managed to do a hundred push-ups.’ Do not write about your achievements, write about your characteristics, your properties. In short, write about that which IS you, not what you have accomplished.
Will this method not turn you into an asshole? Cocky jerk with an oversize ego? – No, since an oversize ego often has its roots in low self-esteem, not high. If you have a good, healthy self-esteem, you do not need to shout your excellence to the world at the top of your lungs. Self-esteem is not the same thing as ego.
Just try it out for a week or so. Hanba has been doing this for a couple of weeks now, and is amazed at the results.
These thoughts are not hanba’s own, but have been introduced to her by an author named Mia Tornblom.